Atone for my Sins
by Lopithecus
Summary: When Castiel returns after being announced dead, how does he try to redeem himself to Dean and Sam?


**A/N: I was thinking about 7X17 coming up soon and this popped into my head of how Cas could redeem himself to Dean.**

**This takes place (in the beginning) episode 2 of season 7 [minor spoilers for that episode] then the rest picks up **_**seconds**_** after episode 15 season 7 ended [No spoilers for that episode]. Hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. All rights go to their respectful owners.**

Atone for my Sins

When Castiel betrayed Dean's trust and took on the souls, he knew that it was a mistake the moment the souls were squirming inside him. It was too late though, the souls were already messing with his 'brain', as Dean put it.

Castiel tried so hard to fight the monsters and take control again only to fail over and over again. Only once did he manage to take control and that was when he thought he was going to die. So he turned around as he stood in front of the symbol to open up Purgatory and told Dean, once again, that he was sorry.

In that moment he could see the pain of his betrayal in Dean's eyes and all Castiel wanted to do was make it right, fix all the wrong he's done. But he knew he couldn't because he was going to die.

His grace was going to be pulled into purgatory along with the others, to spend the rest of Earth's life in that soul filled cosmos. Castiel didn't want that to happen but he had to be punished somehow and what better way than to go into the universe of souls that you pulled out, letting the souls tear and rip his grace into a trillion pieces for putting them back into the retched place.

And so the wall that Castiel stood in font opened up and Castiel let loose, let the souls fill the empty space. He could feel his own grace being pulled in with them but then something held him back. He wasn't sure what it was but he was grateful for he opened his eyes to stare up into Dean's green filled ones.

How happy he was to see them again.

He promised Dean that he would redeem himself and he meant it but as he was saying those words he wanted to follow through so bad, he could feel something crawling inside of him.

He told Dean and Bobby to run and that the Leviathan was taking over but it was too late. He was already slipping into darkness as he saw Dean's concerned face and him saying his name.

He so badly wanted to answer him.

[XCastielX]

Castiel wakes up in a field. He isn't sure where he is but he knows that he is alive. He's not sure how he is alive and it certainly couldn't have been his father, not after what he has done.

What he has done to the Winchester boys, to Sam… to Dean.

He gets up from where he lay, noticing a light sprinkle of rain. The field is empty except for him. It's a wonder really, he can feel his grace again and he feels like a true angel once more. It's almost enough to make him high off of.

He makes his way to the road that is off in the distance and once there he sees a sign indicating where he is.

Idaho.

He doesn't know how but he can sense Dean and Sam are here, even though they should still have those carvings on their ribs.

He tries to fly and to his surprise is able to. He flies to the motel that he is sure both Winchesters are in. Deciding against flying into the room and scaring them to death, not to mention they'll be tumultuous towards him, he decides to knock on their door.

Sam's the brother that answers to Castiel's dismay as Dean lies on the bed. He had hoped it would be Dean because maybe then he wouldn't be punched when he saw him.

Castiel stumbles backwards from the shock of the punch. It hurt, which is another thing that surprises the angel. If he was an angel again then why'd he feel pain?

Castiel looked up to see rage filled eyes coming from Sam. "What are you doing here? How are you alive?"

"Sam what's going on?" Dean's voice sounds as the eldest Winchester appears in the door only to stop short at Castiel's sight. "C-Cas?"

"Hello Dean, Sam." Castiel takes a hesitant step toward the pair.

"Hello? Is that all you have to say?" Sam's rage is pouring out of his body. "After everything you did?"

It seems as though even if they helped him put the souls back that they are still angry with the angel.

"No I have more to say but isn't 'hello' how you greet someone?" The rain is beginning to come down harder and form into a down pour.

"Not to people you betrayed." Sam rages on.

Hurt erupts in Castiel's grace. _Betrayed_. Yes he had betrayed them and he's so sorry for that. He just wants to make amends.

"Sam, maybe we should let Cas explain." Dean, who was quiet until now, says from Sam's side.

Sam turns to his brother. "You serious? You remember what he did, what he did to me? He tore the wall down in my head Dean; he made me go crazy for a while there."

"Sam I'm sorry…" Castiel begins but is cut off from Sam.

"No don't even try to be sorry Cas." Sam practically yells.

Castiel looks up to him with pleading eyes. "You once thought that I could be saved, when the others thought differently. You called me to help me."

Sam's expression softens as he remembers that fateful night. He turns his gaze away from the piercing blue eyes.

Castiel makes a split decision and walks up to Sam, placing two fingers on his forehead. Sam backs off in surprise and Castiel gets a warning from Dean. "I don't have enough power to fully rebuild the wall but that should help some, at least from seeing Lucifer in your head."

Sam looks at him warily. "Thanks… Cas."

"I told you I would redeem myself to you Dean. I plan on keeping that promise." He tells the two men.

"Yeah and how do you plan on doing that?" Dean sounds tired and sad but he would never admit that. Castiel knows better however.

"Why don't you two 'sleep' and I'll figure out a way to show you my apologies." He says as he flies away, not waiting for the Winchester brothers to respond.

[XCastielX]

Castiel first flew to Bobby's run down house to find it burnt to the ground. Concerned, he tries to sense for Bobby's soul but can't find it anywhere.

Not knowing what else to do he flies into the motel room Dean and Sam are staying at but remains invisible to them. He doesn't think they would voluntarily give up the information of Bobby's whereabouts.

So he sits there watching the two sleep until they both wake and then listening to their conversations.

Dean pulls out a flask from his jacket pocket that he has yet to take off, and drink the liquid that was in it.

"Again with Bobby's flask. Seriously Dean, you should have kept something different. Isn't it weird to be drinking from his own alcohol container when he's… dead." Sam has a hard time saying Bobby is dead still and doesn't want to think of it for that matter.

"No it reminds me of him so shut your pie hole about it, will ya?" Dean snaps back as he takes another swig from the shiny flask.

_So Bobby is dead. How and when did this happen?_ Castiel thinks as he watches the boys for a few more seconds before deciding that would be how he would atone for his sins. He would bring Robert Singer back to life.

And so Castiel makes his way to Heaven, although he's sure he won't be too welcomed so he has to be careful.

Once in Heaven he hides behind different Heavenly things that human words can't even describe.

He's missed Heaven very much.

He makes his way to Bobby's Heaven and once inside he sees him, with a younger version of Dean and Sam, teaching them how to play baseball. He makes his way to him. "Hello Bobby."

Bobby spins around and stares at Castiel in complete and utter shock. "Well I'll be damned. How are you alive boy?"

"I'm not sure but I have come to bring you back to life." Castiel hopes this will work and reaches up with two fingers outstretch to Bobby's forehead.

Bobby intercepts him and pushes his hand away. "Hold up there boy. What if I don't wanna go back?"

"Dean and Sam are miserable without you and I need to make amends by redeeming myself." Castiel says in his usual tone of voice.

"So you're gonna use me for yourself? Have you learned anything you idjit?" Bobby snaps.

"I don't understand." Castiel says, confused by Bobby's refusal.

"Of course you don't." Bobby begins. "That's because you're a child just like Dean said. You used Purgatory for yourself and look at how that turned out."

Castiel looks at him confused but soon understands. "I understand Bobby and I'll never make that mistake again. I'm not even sure if this'll help with them forgiving me but I hope it will a little. Even so Bobby, they need you, so if you don't want to go back for me, please go back for them."

Bobby seems to contemplate what Castiel had just said. He sighs. "Fine ya idjit; work your magic on me."

And so Castiel presses two fingers to Bobby's forehead. When Bobby opened his eyes he finds himself on Earth, very much alive.

Castiel turns to him. "We must go. Dean and Sam will be leaving soon." Again he presses two fingers to Bobby's forehead and flies them to the motel room.

Castiel knocks on the door and this time it's Dean who answers. "Cas, find what is going to help us forgive you?" Sam appears beside his brother.

"Yes I have." Castiel steps aside to let the brothers see the old drunk they thought was dead, standing there alive and well.

"Well hello boys. What have you two idjits been up too?" Bobby greets lightly.

"Bobby?" Both Dean and Sam say at the same time.

"In the flesh." He takes a step forward. "You have your angel to thank."

Dean and Sam walk up to Bobby and hug him tightly, thankful to be able to hear, see, touch, and smell the father figure.

Dean's the first one to let go and turn to Cas, the angel looking as if he was just about to leave to give them privacy. "You did this?"

"Yes." Castiel says, hopeful.

"Thanks." Dean turns back to Bobby to ask him questions.

"Um… yeah thanks Cas." Sam says then he to turns back to Bobby.

A pain stabs Castiel in the chest as he watches all three of them catch up. He is happy that they are reunited and happy once more but he hoped so much that this would help. He decides to leave and flies back to the field that he had awoken in. He's now fully soaked but he didn't care, the pain in his chest was getting stronger.

He can feel a strange sensation in his eyes and before he knows it he's crouched on the ground in the rain, crying. He's never cried before so it's a strange thing to him but he can't seem to stop. Every time he wipes a tear away another always replaces it.

_Why did he have to be so stupid? How could he do that to them? To use their trust and betray it all in one sweep._ He hates himself for it and he feels so much regret, so much pain, that he wants to die all over again.

So he crouches there getting rained on, waiting for his father to kill him. But it never comes and he sits there for days, weeks, just waiting for the inevitable.

[XCastielX]

On the twenty fifth day back from his death Dean finally Calls to him. He flies to him slowly. Most likely they are going to kill him anyway.

He knocks on the motel door that they decided to stay in for their new hunt and Dean opens the door. He steps aside and gestures for the angel to come in, so Castiel complies.

Bobby is still with them and Sam is sitting on his bed next to the window, just staring out it.

"We need to talk to you Cas." Dean begins and Castiel doesn't meet his eyes. He just looks to the floor. "Look we're grateful and all that you brought Bobby back but it doesn't change anything."

Again that same stab in the heart and Castiel can already feel the tears forming.

Sam turns to him. "You hurt us a lot Cas, we can't just forget about that no matter what you do." Sam's words are gentle despite the meaning behind them.

Castiel turns around and makes his way to the door. He doesn't know why he doesn't just fly out of there but he kind of feels like taking a walk anyway.

"Cas wait." Dean comes up beside him to stop him from leaving. Castiel, without thinking, looks up to him. Dean's eyes are soft and Castiel just wants to curl up into them, if it were possible. "Are you crying?"

Castiel quickly reaches up and wipes his eyes. "No, angels can't cry." But it's too late, a tear escapes his eye and he breaks down.

He tries to get away but Dean stops him. "Then how are you crying?"

"I'm not I…" He uses the excuse he remembers hearing before. "I have something in my eyes."

"Yeah right you idjit." Bobby says. "Why you crying boy?"

Castiel looks at all of them, concerned looks all on their faces. "I…" _Why do they even care?_ "I betrayed you and there's nothing I can do to make it better."

"We never said you couldn't make it better." Bobby says.

"Yeah Cas, we were just pointing out the facts first." Sam says, now getting up.

"You have to let us finish." Castiel looks at Dean with puffy, red, tear filled eyes. "We were going to say that in order to have our trust again you're going to have to earn it, like you did when we first met. It's not going to be easy and it'll take awhile but we're willing to try."

The pain in Castiel's chests disappears and a smile forms across his face. "I won't let you down Dean, I promise."

"I know you won't." He smiles back. "Now what do you say you help us with this case, it's a bitch."

And so Castiel rubs his eyes to rid the evidence of crying and joins Dean, Sam, and Bobby, once again, at saving the world.

**A/N: Thanks for reading**


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